Aw Ha Moments

A bunch of rambling....So many things have been weighing on my mind lately.  Yesterday was just a blah day.  Everything is good. But things just are so different than what they used to be.  I just really don't feel like I'm myself.  Sometimes I feel like I can't be myself because I am trying to fit this mold that everyone else thinks I am.  I read a friend's blog yesterday who shared her real feelings.  Feelings that we all feel, but we never dare say it to others because heaven forbid they know that we have an issue with something.  I really over think alot of things and I need to learn not to.  I remember little comments that were made to me from just yesterday to 20+ years ago.  For example, a boy in 6th grade made a comment that I always wear my hair in pig tails.  From that day on I did my hair different everyday.  It wasn't til just the last few years that I've accepted that I can do my hair the same way everyday.  It's ok. Yes, I'm wierd like that, but that's me. I also remember comments I say to people when I really am not thinking.  As my day went on yesterday I was just having the "I don't care what others think, attitude."  Little things that the kids were doing were starting to annoy me.  I had sent the three oldest to bed.  Samantha was hanging with me with the tv.  She asked for some milk even though she still had some in her sippy cup.  I told her she didn't need more but she insisted that she did.  I got frustrated and told her no she didn't.  But of course I took her cup and topped it off.  As we were laying on the couch she rolls over at me and says, "I nice to you."  Then she gives me a hug.  That definitely made me think of how unwilling I was to get her milk and how I was not nice to her.  Then when I went to crawl into bed I found a card on my pillow that Brindley had made.  Her words meant so much to me.  She expressed her love for me then thanked me for helping her.  She then told me, "You need to know that you are capable of things out of this world."  I know, your probably thinking, "Hmm, ok." But it really made me think.  I thought about my girls and what they could become and what am I doing to teach them and influence them. With Jim gone so much, it is me dealing with the girls, trying to help them make the right choices, trying to help them see their potential.  It gets tiring.  I definitely take my girls for granted though. They know me better than anyone (except Jim).  I truly have a wonderful opportunity with having four daughters.  They all are so different in their own ways.  Over Mother's Day weekend I was thinking about my girls and the little things they do that might actually mean they Love me.  I thought about Brindley and how when she comes home from school she loves to share about her day with me.  She notices when my day has been rough and will help out alot more on that day.  Karissa being almost nine, still will reach for my hand when we are walking in the parking lot of Wal-mart.  Lexie won't leave for school without giving me a kiss and a hug.  One day she left with out giving me the kiss and hug.  Within a minute the door flung open and here she came running, "I forgot!"  And then I got my kiss and hug.  Samantha will slip her little hands around my neck just when I'm not expecting it.  And the best is when I am in the kitchen working and she will just out of the blue come and hug my leg.  How lucky am I!
Just over a month ago I saw a few things that made me think about how I treat my kids, and do they know I love them.
One day I was walking in Walmart and I notice an older lady walking with an 8-9 year old boy.  The boy was crying.  As I passed them, I heard the lady tell the boy, "Nobody cares about you."  I'm not brave enough to stop, but out loud as I was walking I said, "No, that is not true!"  I hurt for that boy.  Then as I was headed to my car on that same trip to Walmart, I heard a little girl start to cry then I hear a lady say, "What do you think you are doing?"  I look over and the lady/mom grabs the little girl (who had been hanging on the side of the basket then fell to the ground) by the arm and yanks her up so hard.  By the time I got the groceries in my car and the kids buckled, I couldn't hold the tears any more.  I sat there in my seat for a few minutes and cried.  These two kids....I don't know them, they may not be the best behaved kids, but they are kids.  What are our actions to our kids saying?  I definitely need to improve.

Wow, this post has gone from one topic to another.  What a way to get it out.  And if none of you understand it O-well, I am going to be me and that is how it is.