That's Ok.

A few months ago I attended a Stake Relief Society Conference. I always try to talk myself out of going to these things but am always glad I went after it is over. One of the speakers talked about trials and the different trials people have and how they may affect us. The one thing she said that has stuck with me is, "Your trial may not be as major as someone else's, but to you, your trial is hard, and that's ok." In other words, Sometimes we tell ourselves that others are dealing with so much more than what we have to deal with, so, we need to just buck up and deal with it. But ya know what, our trials that we experience, no matter how small they are can be very hard on us, and THAT'S OK! It's ok to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or what ever we may feel about that small trial. That trial is still hard on us! I appreciate this sisters words. Being able to tell myself that It's OK...to feel this way about things we are dealing with has also made it easier to get through those things. Does that make sense?

Yesterday as I was driving with the girls into Reno, I was listening to a Jack Christensen CD and just thinking about alot of things. I was contemplating my feelings and emotions (just in general) and how they have changed over the last month. I then thought and understood why they have changed. I have experienced this change before, and I knew it was coming, just didn't know when.

I'm sure I have shared this in the past, but I wanted to share it again. The first time I really experienced the power of the Atonement and the Savior actually lifting my burdens from me was when I was in the hospital, pregnant with Lexie. (Just to fill in for those that don't know....When I was 26+ weeks pregnant with Lexie, my water broke. I was in the hospital for just over 3 weeks before she was born. The hospital was an hour away from where our home was, where Jim's work was, and where my 2 other girls were staying.) I really struggled being in the hospital away from my girls and Jim. I cried everyday and even wished that the baby would be born so I didn't have to stay in the hospital away from the others that I loved. I remember throwing my hands in the air one day while I was standing alone at the foot of my bed. I cried out loud to Heavenly Father and pleaded for help. And said, I can't do this!
I'm not sure how long after that, but I know it was only a few days that I started feeling ok with my situation. All my same desires were still there, but I was ok. I was feeling peace. I wasn't upset about being stuck in the hospital.  Some how I was being blessed with feeling ok about everything. It took some time afterwards to realize why I felt that peace. My burdens and worries were being lifted from me. WOW! I have never had the spirit hit me so hard as it did the day when I realized the Savior took those burdens from me and carried them for me. This has given me such a better understanding of the Atonement and how it's not just for the repentance process, but also for helping us through our trials. This experience happened almost 6 years ago.
I am so thankful for what I learned while I was in the hospital. In the last 5 years we have had other trials to face. Knowing that I am not alone has helped. It has taken a long time for me to let the Savior help me, but this last week I realized that I am feeling peace. I still have the same desires that I had. I still want things to be different for our family, but I am feeling the comfort of my Heavenly Father. I know my burdens are being lifted. Since we have moved to Nevada, I have felt my personality totally change. I was missing myself and who I used to be. I experienced feeling like my old self the other day for just a bit, and that's when I knew that I was finally allowing the Savior to carry my burdens. The struggle I have though is that I keep trying to take them back. Thanks to a loving Heavenly Father and to my (our) Savior, I can continue to feel the peace, even if I'm not where I want to be.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense to you, but THAT'S OK! Because to me it does!

13 Years

 This is us on our 12th anniversary at the top of Mount Logan.

Doing one of the things we love most....4-wheeling on the mountain.

Yosemite

Jim, I Love You! Thanks for putting up with me, for listening to me, for holding me while I cry, for making me laugh and laughing with me and even at me. Thanks for the sacrifices you make for our family. We have gone through alot in these 13 years.  Our relationship definately has been tested and just when things seem to be the hardest, we become that much closer.  We always say as long as we are wierd together, then everything is great, and yes, most of the time we are the only ones laughing at ourselves. But, everything is Great because we are together.  Love you Babe!